


try your best

by farfromthstars



Series: eddie diaz week 2021 [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buddie if you squint, Eddie Diaz Week 2021, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:47:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29779854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farfromthstars/pseuds/farfromthstars
Summary: chimney needs some reassurance-eddie diaz week day 1: “I have no idea what I’m doing” + fatherhood
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Eddie Diaz & Howie "Chimney" Han (9-1-1 TV)
Series: eddie diaz week 2021 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2188779
Comments: 16
Kudos: 51





	try your best

**Author's Note:**

> it's eddie week! i'm gonna try to do as many days as possible and am excited for allllll the eddie content 🥰

“The closer it gets, the more I think about everything that could go wrong.” 

It’s late, and everyone else has retired to the bunk room, but when Eddie found Chimney here, staring at the table with an unusually morose expression on his face and another baby book open in front of him, he had to sit down next to him to find out what’s wrong.

“With the baby?” Eddie asks.

“With me more, I guess,” Chimney shrugs, still looking at the table instead of Eddie. “I’ve given this advice to other people, I even keep telling Maddie it’s okay to be scared and all we can do is to try our best, and I believe that, for her...I’m just not sure it applies to me too.”

Eddie hums. “I know what that feels like, believe me. When Shannon got pregnant, I was  _ terrified _ . So terrified that I thought the best thing I could do was enlisting.”

“How’d you stop?”

“I didn’t,” Eddie says. He thinks about Christopher, miles away and surely in bed right now, safe and sound. Thinks about how every day, every minute of every hour, a part of his brain is dedicated to worrying about Christopher. How every time he leaves for work, or drops Chris off at school, he wants to wrap him up in his arms and never let him go. Thinks about the guilt he feels whenever he leaves for a 24-hour-shift, when he misses out on things in his son’s life. The fear of making the wrong decisions, of saying the wrong thing, of being a bad role model for his kid. The crushing guilt he still feels for keeping him away from his mother when he could’ve had at least two more months with her. “I’m still terrified, Chim. Terrified for him, terrified of failing him.”

Chimney hums and lifts an eyebrow. “You’re not doing a great job at reassuring me here, Eddie.”

Eddie laughs quietly. “Sorry. I just...most days, I have no idea what I’m doing. There’s no manual that tells you how to be a good dad, not that you’d ever really have time to read it if there was. I guess all you can do is be there and try your best, like you said.”

“What if my best isn’t good enough? I see you, and Bobby, and Hen, and you’re all different but you’re great parents. I see you with your kids and it looks so natural, so easy. Hell, I see Buck with Christopher and it seems to come naturally to him too-”

At that, Eddie’s stomach lurches and he carefully tries to keep his face blank. So he’s not the only one who’s noticed, who sees the way Buck treats Chris. It makes his heart race and ache with longing, a familiar feeling when it comes to Buck. But this isn’t the time to think about his misguided feelings for his straight best friend, they’re talking about Chimney here.

“What if it doesn’t come naturally to me?”

“Chim,” Eddie says with a small laugh, “give yourself some credit. It’s already there, don’t you see that? The fact that you’re awake right now, reading baby books and worrying about not being a good dad already proves that you’re gonna be a great one. You love that kid so much, and she’s not even born yet. That’s all you can do, if you ask me. Love your child, show up for them, try to be better than your parents. You and Maddie are gonna be fine. You’ll be great parents, I’m sure.”

Chimney sighs. “The bar isn’t very high when it comes to either of our parents.”

“No,” Eddie agrees, gritting his teeth. He knows Buck is working past his issues with his parents, knows he’s forgiven them - but that doesn’t mean he has to. “Listen, Chim. You’re not your father, and Maddie clearly isn’t her parents either. You both love so strongly and openly that there is no doubt in my mind that this baby will know how loved she is every single day. I can’t tell you how to be a good dad, but I know you’ll be one. Okay?”

Chimney laughs a little, then reaches out to close the book on the table in front of them. “Alright, alright. Thanks for the pep talk, Eddie.”

“Anytime,” Eddie says with a grin and pushes himself up with a tired groan. With a squeeze of Chim’s shoulder, he adds, “Now get some sleep while you can, you hear me?”

Chimney gives him a mock salute and Eddie trudges back down the stairs towards the bunk room. 

If they’re not on a call at the time, he’ll FaceTime Chris in the morning, just to see his son’s smile. And maybe he’ll ask Buck to join, just to see the matching smile on his face. He already can’t wait.


End file.
